Renungan

1. Senyum itu tanda kemesraan, diberikepada manusia dianggap sedekah. Ketawa itu lambang kelalaian. Selalu dilakukan hati akan mati. Dibuat di hadapan manusia menghilangkan maruah diri.
2. Setiap kesalahan yang dilakukan jadikanlah pengajaran, insaflah ini tanda kelemahan diri, kesalilah keterlanjuran itu dan berazamlah tidak mengulanginya lagi.
3. Syukur nikmat dan sabar di dalam ujian amat mudah diucapkan tetapi amat sulit dilaksanakan.
4. Kesenangan dan kemewahan selalunya membawa kepada kesombongan dan kelalaian. Kesusahan dan penderitaan itu, selalunya membawa kekecewaan dan putus asa, kecuali orang yang mukmin.
5. Di antara tanda-tanda orang-orang yang sombong itu cepat melahirkan sifat marah, suka memotong percakapan orang,suka bermujadalah yakni bertegang leher,nampak di mukanya rasa tidak senang jika ada orang yang lebih darinya di satu majlis, bercakap meninggikan suara,pantang ditegur, tidak ada tanda-tanda kesal di atas kesalahan.
6. Orang yang sudah hilang sifat marah(dayus), cepat melahirkan sifat marah(lemah mujahadah). Orang yang ada sifat marah tapi dapat disembunyikan kecuali di tempat-tempat yang munasabah inilah manusia normal.
7. Tahu diri kita hamba itu adalah ilmu,merasa diri kita itu hamba itu penghayatan, yang kedua inilah akan lahir sifat tawaduk, malu, khusyuk,takut, hina dan lain-lain lagi sifat kehambaan.
8. Jika kita mengingati dosa, kita tidak nampak lagi kebaikan kita, apatah lagi untuk dibanggakan.
9. Lahirkan kemesraan kita sesama manusia kerana itu adalah haknya tapi jangan putus hati kita dengan ALLAH, ini adalah hakNYA pula.
10. Apabila rasa senang dengan pujian,rasa sakit dengan kehinaan menunjukkan kita ada kepentingan peribadi, tanda kita tidak ikhlas membuat sesuatu kebaikan.

Hiatus

My long hiatus has been the period in which i was simply doing some soul-searching...why lie to others when we are plain friends...not special friends even...why try too hard when i don't even want to...why speed up and risk loosing this freindship of ours..to those relevant parties...yes that's in PLURAL...it's great to leave me alone...

Better Than Me

I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

While looking through your old box of notes
I found those pictures I took
That you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older
Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the end
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
(And I think you should know this)
(You deserve much better than me)

A Change Of Seasons

(juz fer the fun of it..this piece is being posted up...i juz dun wish to see the sunset alone one day....)



[I. The Crimson Sunrise]
[II. Innocence]
I remember a time
My frail, virgin mind
Watched the crimson sunrise
Imagined what it might find
Life was filled with wonderI felt the warm wind blow
I must explore the boundaries
Transcend the depth of winter's snow

Innocence caressing me
I never felt so young before
There was so much life in me
Still I longed to search for more

But those days are gone now
Changed like a leaf on a tree
Blown away forever
Into the cool autumn breeze
The snow has now fallen
And my sun's not so bright
I struggle to hold on
With the last of my might

In my den of inequity
Viciousness and subtlety
Struggle to ease the pain
Struggle to find the same

Ignorance surrounding me
I've never been so filled with fear
All my life's been drained from me
The end is drawing near...

[III. Carpe Diem]
"Carpe diem
Seize the day"
I'll always remember
The chill of November
The news of the fall
The sounds in the hall
The clock on the wall
Ticking away
"Seize the Day"
I heard him say
Life will not always be this way
Look aroundHear the sounds
Cherish your life
While you're still around

("Gather ye rosebuds while ye may)
(Old Time is still a-flying;)
(And this same flower that smiles today)
(Tomorrow will be dying")

We can learn
From the past
But those days
Are gone
We can hope
For the future
But there might not be one

The words stuck in my mind
Alive from what I've learned
I have to seize the day
To home I returned

Preparing for her flight
I held with all my might
Fearing my deepest fright
She walked into the night
She turned for one last look
She looked me in the eye
I said, "I Love You...
Good-bye"

("It's the most awful thing you'll ever hear")
("If you're lying to me...")
("Oh, you dearly love her")
("...just have to leave...)
(All our lives")
("Seize the day!")
("Something happened")
("Gather ye rosebuds while ye may")
("She was killed")

[IV. The Darkest Of Winters]
[V. Another World]
So far or so it seems
All is lost
With nothing fulfilled
Off the pages and the
T.V. screen
Another world
Where nothing's true

Tripping through
The life fantastic
Lose a step
And never get up
Left alone
With a cold blank stare
I feel like giving up

I was blinded by a paradise
Utopia high in the sky
A dream that only drowned me
Deep in sorrow, wondering why

Oh come let us adore him
Abuse and then ignore him
No matter what
Don't let him be
Let's feed upon his misery
Then string him up for all the world to see

I'm sick of all
Your hypocrites
Holding me at bay
And I don't need
Your sympathy
To get me through the day

Seasons change and so can I
Hold on Boy
No time to cry
Untie these strings
I'm climbing down
I won't let them push me away

Oh come let us adore him
Abuse and then ignore him
No matter what
Don't let him be
Let's feed upon
His misery
Now it's time for them
To deal with me

[VI. The Inevitable Summer]
[VII. The Crimson Sunset]
I'm much wiser now
A lifetime of memories
Run though my head
They taught me how
For better or worse
Alive or deadI realize
There's no turning back
Life goes on
The offbeaten track

I sit down with my son
Set to see the Crimson Sunset
(Gather ye rosebuds while ye may)
Many years have come and gone
I've lived my life, but now must move on
(Gather ye rosebuds while ye may)
He's my only one
Now that my time has come
Now that my life is done
We look into the sun
"Seize the day
And don't you cry
Now it's time
To say good-bye
Even thoughI'll be gone
I will live on
Live on"

The Mirror

(fer that sum1 whu told me to look myself in the mirror...this is fer u...buat sape yg terasa...bagus ah...kalau tk phm2 jgk...g telan bomb sudah..haha...)

Temptation-
Why won't you leave me alone?
Lurking Every Corner, everywhere I go

Self Control-
Don't turn your back on me now
When I need you the most

Constant pressure tests my will
My will or my won't
My Self Control escapes from me still...

Hypocrite-
How could you be so cruel
and expect my faith in return?

Resistance-
Is not as hard as it seems
When you close the door

I spent so long trusting in you
I trust you forgot
Just when I thought I believed in you...

"What're you doing? What're you doing?"

It's time for me to deal
Becoming all too realliving in fear-
Why did you lie and pretend?
This has come to an end
I'll never trust you again
It's time you made your amends
Look in the mirror my friend

"That I haven't behaved as I should"
"Everything you need is around you.
The only danger is inside you."

"I thought you could control life, but it's not like that. There are
things you can't control."

Let's stare the problem right in the eye
It's plagued me from coast to coast
Racing the clock to please everyone
All but the one who matters the most

Reflections of reality
are slowly coming into view
How in the hell could you possibly forgive me?
After all the hell I put you through

It's time for me to deal
Becoming all too real
living in fear-
Why'd I betray my friend?
Lying until the end
Living life so pretend
It's time to make my amends
I'll never hurt you again

Lie

(fer all diggers up there..this song is dedicated to all those unfaithful lovers of my dearest clownz n sistaez...by Dream Theater)

Daybreak
at the bottom of lake
it's a hundred degrees I can't breathe
And I won't get out
'til I figure it out
Though I'm weak like I can't believe
So you tell me 'trust me' l can trust you
Just let me show you
But I gotta work it out in a shadow of doubt
'cause I don't know if I know you

Doing fine but don't waste my time
Tell me what it is you want to say
You sin, you win, just let me in - hurry
I've been out in the rain all day
So you tell me 'trust me' I can trust you
as far as I can throw you
And I'm trying to get out of a shadow of doubt
'cause I don't know if I know you

Don't tell me you wanted me
Don't tell me you thought of me
I won't, I swear I won't
(Did)
I'll try, I swear I'll try
(Lie)

Mother Mary quite contrary
Kiss the boys and make them wary
Things are getting just a little bit scary
It's a wonder I can still breathe

Never been much of a doubting Thomas
but nothing breaks like a broken promise
You tell me 'bout your two more coming
but once is just enough for me

I had gotten used to being a soul destroyed
She comes in apparently to fill the void
All dogs need a leash and
at least I'll forget it
And she would never hurt me though
she's never said it
But I'm not gonna ask her today
I don't wanna scare her away
Your town, I'm all alone
and I just can't stare at the phone
I wanna talk about lifelong mistakes
and you can tell your stepfather I said so

I'm Feeling So Great...haha

hei peeps..i'm back again..sori fer d couple of weeks' hiatus...haha..hospitalized lar diggers...sori2...small matter...then this webby cant be updated...due to sum technical stuffs..haha...k2...gez wat...i'm feeling way way better...as tho i hav nutg to think about at all...haha...reali2...i think i'm losing myself...i duno y i feel so upbeat over nutg...i dun evn think straight...kinda feel tt sumtg's amiss...haha...but i'v nvr bn better...btw...had a wonderful dinner wit my parents on mother's day...then went out fer a movie with nazhimah..haha...as crazy as ever...today i met a new fren whose name is lina..ok lar...she resembles the old lina so much..hmm...i do hav doubts bout tt...but its bn a pleasant start to our frenship...its bn quite sum tym since i had a new fren...fezah...werkg isit? haha...yah...faizal is getting better...ur hubby will call u up aite...trust ur crazy bro here...tts all fer now i gez...gota start a new day in ma life tmr...optimistically...As'kum

It's Been A While

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you
And it's been awhile
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been awhile
Since I could call you

And everything I can't remember
As f*cked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means

And it's been awhile
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been awhile
Since I can say I love myself as well
And it's been awhile
Since I've gone and f*cked things up just like I always do
And it's been awhile
But all that sh*t seems to disappear when I'm with you

And everything I can't remember
As f*cked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again

Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day!

And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste

And everything I can't remember
As f*cked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me
And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry

Ya Rabbi..

God...she asked me to mirror myself...blamed me fer evrytg...has time fer other guys..til 3+am yet no time fer me...told my sis she treats me as her bf...lies..lies..lies..my fault? r u so sure? no expletives can describe a woman like u...u sure u wana change? haha..i doubt so..i reali do doubt so...pray fer u? not evn in ur wildest dreams...forgive u? skrg got guy with wealth looks and evrytg..ur dream guy...gd fer u...Karma doesnt forget...

I Am The Highway

(a song from Audioslave's 1st album that reali caught my attention the 1st time i listened to it...its about how ppl make use of others when they are in need and then dun evn care about them anymore after they achieved their resolutions)


Pearls and swine bereft of me
Long and weary my road has been
I was lost in the cities
Alone in the hills
No sorrow or pity for leaving I feel

(chorus)
I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky

Friends and liars don't wait for me
I'll get on all by myself
I put millions of miles
Under my heels
And still too close to you
I feel

(chorus)
I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky
I am not your blowing wind
I am the lightning
I am not your autumn moon
I am the night

Crushed Crushed Crushed

as the title suggests, tt sums it all...the start of May..and not the best of starts...Lyn is oredi married last yr...2mths aftr she left me...and this august she's gona hav a junior...Yatee is getting engaged this mth...lastly...i finally decided its all over btwn Ana and me..i cant take anymore of her lies and empty promises..its been a torrid period of time fer me...that's how bad thgs hav bn...she told Fezah she treated me as a BF...bloody liar...i'm not a highway aite

One Last Breath

(Dont ask me y i put up this song...its bn awhile since i wanted to do so...but yah...seems like thgs aint heading my way...so good luck to me...wat more can i say ryte...who noes wat i wanted has always bn wit me witout me realising it...)


Please come now I think I’m falling
I’m holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I’m trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I’m down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain’t so far down
I’m looking down now that it’s over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out heaven save me
But I’m down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain’t so far down

Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there’s something left for me
So please come stay with me
‘Cause I still believe there’s something left for you and me
For you and me
For you and me

Hold me now
I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking

Erk?

she said she missed me...but when i sms her asking her not to repeat what she did b4...it was on the silent...it fell on deaf ears...y...y must thgs turn out tt way...all i wanted was to iron thgs out...

Wat was dat again?

she asked me with total conviction...'did i hurt u?'...haiz...then wen she realised...it seems she isnt repentant at all...i noe she's keeping back her werds last nite..haiz...y doesnt she change fer d better? does she wan to be dat way her whole life?

I'm lost...confused...AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yesterday she said...the guy in the pic was her cuzzy fren...but seems kinda stuck wen i asked if he was her fren...asked how cum suddenly she became single...she blabbered and said she'll call back later..she did...a full 2hrs later...but only talked fer 10mins..duno y she called so late..yet she put it down so quickly...said she deleted her bloggy...then this mrng just msgd me saying she's going jb..till now d wolrd is so silent..duno lar...

Wah..Superb

this week alone..she hung up on me twice...broke another promise also..then changed her bloggy so that i cant find it...ok best...all the worst to u...i'm saying this frm d bottom of my heart...i reali wonder y i waste so much time heart mind and money on sum1 whu doesnt deserve anytg at all...ROT IN HELL...y shld i ever forgive u...i can't believe it ur the 1st person i can never ever forgive unless a miracle happens...Demi Allah..hanya Dia saja yg tahu ape yg telah kau lakukan padaku...semoga kau mendapat balasan dari Dia dgn tiada lebih tiada kurang...u treated me like a DOG...anjing pon org jaga baik2...u played with my feelings, heart and mind...menyesal aku terima masa lalu kau...it sux to the core...took advantage of me...step over my head...aku bkn tmpt kau puaskn nafsu...pernah tk ape yg aku ckp aku nk buat aku tul2 buat pat kau...aku elak lagi ada...so who's dat guy in dat pic...so amin is ur new fren now...ok...if dats wat u want u got it...Shld have just let Sis Fezah beat u up the other day...tk pernah aku hilang sabar cmni...Demi Allah...what goes around comes around...kau akn dapat BALASAN Nya satu hari nnt..1 fine day u will...cos i dun think i hav to forgive u...y shld i seh...if u can break ur promises...i shld just return u d favour ryt? haha...Burn...Burn In Hell

Rahmatan Lil 'Alamin

hmm...time2 tgh sambut maulid ni...semangat giler aku g maulid...baca selawat ramai2...Thola'al Badru ramai...berdiri bulu roma...1st aku g pat expo...ustaz yg aku tuntut ilmu tu yg adakan pat expo...dkt 20 000 org ada...kecoh giler..bnyk chickadees...hahha...aku g dgn rezal, shahril n kwn dia...jmp Noryhaini pat sana...anjat jap..dah lama tk jmp..hehe...1st skali nasyid performance...penceramah ramai...Ustz Dr Ahmad Dahri, Ustz Dtk Ismail Kamus, Kiayi Kassim, Ustz Fahrurrazi...and last skali Kiayi AA Gym...aka Abdullah Gymnastiar...power...last week sunday g dgn Bpk n Shahril pat Mujahidin...dah lama tk turun sana...Pak Habib Ahmad dari indon..dia nye doa n ceramah..blh nangis..

A New Dawn Beckons

Hei peeps...its been moe den a wk since i last updated here....last wk i solded her so badly...haha...she put down d fone n off it again...haha..now thgs seems better..she's started holding ma hands again...being mushy all over again...tho i cant expect much moe frm her...wat moe can i say ryte...she aint my wife...cant force her to make me happy...but i can see she's changing bit by bit..its a gd sign..tx Dear

Asal Ana?

Ana...asal buat ary gni...hp off lagi...msg tk reply...asal buat ary worried giler...sob2...ana...jgn menyesal kalau sesuatu berlaku pat ary..ampunkn ary

It Hurts So much

u still wear his ring...u deleted our pic..u deleted my testis fer u...u noe how hurting it has been? y promise so much yet hurt so much?...y muz u lie to me....y y y...u hurt me reali...to the max of my conundrum...may Allah forgive u...so y care...muz u hurt me so much..do u noe that u hav successfully been the 1st person to hurt me to the max...nak baik2...but ur doing dis...then today u wana mit nizam...bila i met fezah in a group outing ur jealous...wats dis...do u noe how i feel...hav u ever tot about how i feel?